Your Nervous System Can’t Be Gaslit

“Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.” — William Shakespeare

She looked at me
like I was something she wanted to win.
Not something she wanted to keep.

I got used to being looked at like that.
By friends, women, teachers, bosses—
people who showed up fast
and left faster.

I mistook heat for care.
Mistook obsession for loyalty.
Because I didn’t know
how to tell the difference.

When they watched me too closely,
I called it love.
When they backed off,
I told myself I wasn’t enough.

I didn’t know calm
could stay in the room
after desire walked out.

"There are people who mistake chemistry for care. That confusion didn’t start in adulthood. It started the first time attention felt like affection."

Men aren’t taught to question the rush. We're told to chase the thrill, dominate the space, win her over, win him over, just win—something. So when someone locks eyes with us and it hits like a punch to the gut, we assume that must mean something real. Because it moved us. Because it lit us up.

But speed isn’t proof of depth. Chemistry isn’t proof of care. And yet, most of us don’t figure that out until we’re knee-deep in the wreckage. Then we’re left trying to understand how we got burned when it all started so hot.

The confusion doesn’t begin in adulthood. It begins with the first time someone gave us attention before we understood affection. When you’ve only known closeness through friction, stillness can feel wrong. You start mistaking chaos for intimacy. You start calling the thing that triggers your nervous system “connection.”

Care doesn’t need to chase you. It stays. It steadies. It sees you in the quiet and doesn’t need you to perform. That kind of love doesn’t come with a bang. It builds. And until you stop chasing the flash, you won’t even see it standing there.

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